Day 2

Last Friday night I met with a wonderful group of sisters in Christ.  We sat around a long farm table with a spread of delicious foods.  Then we each took a turn saying our name, where we're from, and how many children we have with their names and ages.  At that point I felt my stomach drop.  I don't have kids, and I don't have a husband to share about.  I felt so inconsequential.  I felt so lacking.  Much of my adult life I've yearned to be a wife and mother.  I sat among these beautiful women of God and felt embarrassed.  EMBARRASSED.  I felt so displaced.  I upheld my title as the token, lone, single, childless girl.  I feel that girl is a pretty accurate description of what I am.  I'm not even successful in my career.  Sure I like my job, but I don't have a college degree.  At least having a piece of paper to prove I've achieved something would be nice.  Yep, I feel like I need to validated by a piece of paper.  Maybe that would give me some source of importance.  But I have none of those things.  I know I'm supposed to be finding my identity in Christ but I'm having such a hard time with that idea.  I've found myself wallowing in self-pity and depression.  Over the next thirty-one days I hope to find and restore the joyful spirit that I felt once defined me.  Please join me on this journey and keep me in prayer.